The Mystical Adventures of Siddhartha: Magh 26, 530 BCE Mangalwar

The Mystical Adventures of Siddhartha: Magh 26, 530 BCE Mangalwar: "All my life I have followed my family's practices. I have sacrificed to the gods, and I have prayed every day. But, it seems to me that I am..."

My Final Visit with Govinda

Govinda came to cross the river, and I was so overjoyed! Althought he did not recognize me, I knew exactly who he was. Govinda said that he was looking for the ferryman who they say was holy, and he too was happy to realize that I was the ferryman. He stayed with me during the night, and he asked me for my thoughts on how he could also achieve Nirvana. I told him that he had to learn it himself, that words and teachings were meaningless compared to the actual things they talk about, and that time was an illusion, as was the fact that everyone already had Nirvana inside them, if they looked deep enough to find it. Then Govinda kissed my forehead, and he saw everything, as it was, only seperated by time. Then Govinda bowed down to me and knew all that was holy and good in his life.

Nirvana

The wound that my son left me hurt me very much. I want little Siddhartha back, and I want him to love me as well. When I tried to cross the river to go and find him, I heard the river laughing at me. I realized that I had done the same thing to my father, and he had been wounded as well, but he still died without ever seeing me. I decided that I probably would never be able to see my son again, and I told Vasudeva everything. I told him how I felt, my realizations, and everthing single detail that had ever happened to me. Vasudeva then led me to the river and I heard Om, the word of perfection, radiating from the river. At that moment, time stopped for me and I stopped fighting destiny. I realized that Vasudeva was just like Gotama, and he also left into the forest to become united with everything around him and achieve the final Nirvana.

My Son Left Me!

Vasudeva finally helped me realized that my son is not used to this life style. He is used to wealth not poverty. I realized it but I don’t want to admit it. Vasudeva told me to ask the river for advice. I didn’t listen to him. For this reason my son ran away. He took our money and the boat. We quickly made a raft and I tried follow him all the way to the city. I was not able to find him and I ended up in what used to be Kamala’s garden. I remembered my past and how I met kamala. I got suicidal toughts and I chased them away by uttering OM. The monks in the garden saw me and gave me two bananas. Vasudeva caught up to me and I gave him one of my bananas to eat. I was deeply hurt but I knew that my son would be okay. Vasudeva and I went back to our hut and I went to bed early that day for I was in pain.

Vasudeva's Hut

When I made my decision to stay near the river, I met the ferryman, Vasudeva. He remembered me as a Samana that had once slept in his hut, a long time ago. He invited me once again into his house. I told him the whole story of my life after I left him. I told him that even though I look like a merchant, I still want to live with him by the river. Vasudeva understood me and let me stay. Vasudeva taught me everytning about being a ferryman. He told me that the river has many secrets and lessons to teach me and he told me that he will help me. Vasudeva understood me and he knew a lot about life. I thought that it was something that came to him from life experience and I asked him if he too learned all the secret from the river and he answered yes. I then felt as if the river was the answer for all of my questions. I learned from the river that time does not exist. What I discovered made me realize that suffering, self-torment, anxieties and dificulties are all anchored in time and will disapear when people overcome the idea of time. One day Vasudeva and I were working as usual and all of the sudden Vasudeva hears a child cry for help for his mother. When he carried the woman into the hut, I recognized her. It was Kamala. When I looked at her son he looked very familiar to me. I then realize that the boy is my son. When Kamala came back to her self she had just enough time and energy to tell me that the boy really was my son. I felt extremely blessed.

The River

After leaving my life as a rich merchant, I just wandered around feeling miserable. I was just thinking of the path I've taken in search of enlightment. When I was with the Samanas, I couldn't do anything, I had to ignore all of my desires, pain, hunger, everything. Now, I lost myself in Sansara, and diverted from the path. I aimlessly came back to the river where I once passed by with the ferryman. I wanted to die in that river, I did not want to deal with anything. This disapointment of wasting my precious time where I could've done something great just made me angy. But all of the sudden when I was getting ready for suicide, I remmembered of the sacred word Om, and in that moment my spirit awakened. I then realized how crazy I was, thinking of suicide. Then I just sat on the grass and fell asleep. The first thing I saw when I woke up was a Buddhist monk, it didn't took me long to recognize that person. It was Govinda. Though Govinda didn't recognize me, I went up to him and introduced my self. He told me his life and that he is still a follower of Gotama and I told him about my life, where the wind had taken me and that I too was a spiritual pilgrim. Looking at my expensive clothes he didn't really believed me. After, he bowed respectfully and was gone.
I was thinking of going back to Gotama and joining samanas again but I felt like if I did I would learn nothing. I have been trying too hard to find what I seek. I was confused and had no idea what would be next or what I would do. So I just stared at the river and felt so attached to it. I decided to stay here longer.

Sansara

Today, as I was sitting under the mango tree in my pleasure garden, I realized that I have become what I feared I would become. I began a journey for enlightenment but I did not finish it. I feel guilty and am disgusted at what I have become. For this reason I have decided to leave all my riches behind and resume my original journey to Nirvana. I will leave Kamala behind as well. I have decided to go out to the world and seek my peace and enlightenment once more.

At the Town (Day 4...)

I have come back! It has been a full week, maybe even two. It turns out that when I went to the local village they didn’t have the bag of rice that I need to get for Kamaswami . Apparently the merchant sold it to this other local merchant in the village. So, instead I decided to have fun. I enjoyed entertaining the farmers, I played with the children, and I in general had lots of fun. Yet, when I came back Kamaswami was very angry, he was infuriating! He didn’t like the fact that I took time in the other village and that I didn’t come back with the goods that were intended for me to come back with. But I made more connections and people over there now know me more, so it should be alright. Kamala was a little angry too, and one night, she thought that we were different from other people because we could not love.

At the Town (Day 3...)

Kamaswami has entrusted me to go to the local village and get a bag of rice from a merchant. I will be back in two days or so. I am kind of excited because I get to visit a new place that I never been to.

At the Town (Day 2...)

Today, Kamaswami showed me so much about being a business man. I didn’t know much about rice, wool, shipping, or trade, and I do not really care. I never fear failure and I am never worried about losses. I believe Kamaswami is a very nice merchant; he gave me more profit. So if we get more profit I get more money, but if we lose money I would share in the loss. Kamala is wonderful, and I always visit her with many gifts with me.

At the Town (Day 1...)

I went to see Kamaswami yesterday; he is a good merchant. He invited me to his house to visit today. He has a very wealthy house which is filled with servants that welcomed me at his door. We talked for a long time about my past life, mostly about my background of being a Samana. Kamaswami brought up many good points. For an example we discussed possessions and Kamaswami quoted, “Everyone gives what he has. The soldier gives strength, the merchant goods, the teacher instructions, the farmer rice, and the fisherman fish”. Well, I can think, I can wait, and I can fast which is more than those other people he talks about! I showed Kamaswami, especially when he questioned what I could give. I am actually very pleased with myself to say that I have been living as a Samana for more than three years! Not everyone can become a Samana, yet I did it. This was a job interview and I was accepted. I read to Kamaswami to prove to him that I am learned, and at the end of our conversation he invited me to his house and that is how I will be living. I am so happy!

On the Way! (Day 5...)

Today, I spoke great words and learned many new ones from Kamala. I realized that I wanted to be self-motivated. I sought to satisfy the inner desires from myself and from my body rather than ignoring them as when I was a Samana. While walking around earlier I met a man, Kamaswami and Kamala told me that Kamaswami expected me to visit him to talk about new matters that were in hand.

On the Way! (Day 4...)

Today, I am going to clean myself up, so that Kamala will notice me. I will admit that I was prideful of my attractiveness. I socialized more in the community and I finally got to talk to Kamala, she liked how clean cut I was. Kamala and I talked very much, and she agreed to be by teacher in the arts of love.

On the Way! (Day 3...)

After fleeing into the forest, it took me a while to find a new town. But then I stumbled upon a new town which was just outside the forest. In the town, I had saw a girl over by the grove of trees whose name is Kamala. She was incredibly beautiful, but she didn’t take much notice of me.

On the Way! (Day 2...)

I had a strange dream about Govinda last night. Govinda had turned into a woman and in that dream he had a new body that was different. In the morning, I crossed the river with the ferryman and I was off to a new village. I saw a woman at the river; she was pretty ( she reminded me of Govinda’s transformed body) which was unusal, so I started to run into the forest because I was afraid. 

On the Way! (Day 1...)

I have been walking around for sometime and I have become to realize that sometimes I have to see things for what they are (nothing less or more).  I want more experiences in my life. I have always looked for things with a deeper meaning and am always seeking Nirvana. Sometimes I over complicate things, but I found joy in the simple wonders of life. Everything is beautiful! Growing up, I have only learned from the teachings of other people. Now I need to learn by myself, without the help of others. A wise man spoke to me, and what I got from his preaching was that it was wrong to completely deny my self, and lately I have noticed that; but that is what I have been taught growing up, and I have not learned anymore. I have done many horrible inflicting things to my body, which I shouldn’t have. Tonight, I am going to be spending the night at a ferryman’s hut. Tomorrow, the ferryman will take me across the river.

I'm Lost

I am finished with teachers and their teachings. I want to know myself, and understand who I am without the helf of anyone. I feel as thought I see the world, so magical and real, for the first time. Suddenly I feel a power of self - realization. I feel like a grown man. A confident man. This feeling of being free gives me a much larger desire to learn who I am, and what my place in this world is, on my own, not from someone else's experience or teachings. I want to learn and find my own path to Nirvana. I know that it will come from inside, from within myself. I was thinking about going back to my father, but I realized that going back to my father would mean going back to my past life and that is not what I want. Suddenly, I felt so lonely, alone in this huge world without anywhere to go.

The Illustrious One

 It was a few days after Govinda and I left the Samanas in searched of the Perfect One, and at last we think that we have found him. He is at the Jetavana cove, and he is was everyone says he is - perfect, with a calm face and smooth expressions. That night we even heard his teachings. He spoke of the Eightfold Path, the four main points, and patiently covered the usual method of teaching with examples and repetition. After that, Govinda went forward with many other pilgrims and asked to be accepted into the community, and the Buddha accepted him and the other. It was after the induction ceremony, when Gotama, retired for the night, that I realized that I could not find any teachings from teachers - I had to go on my own way, just as Gotama had done, and find my own Nirvana. I discovered that I could not see Govinda again, and when I mentioned my blessings to him, he started crying, and I was very upset at that. I even told the Perfect One that I could not stay, and he agreed with me. After that I left, and am now on my way to achieve my spiritual enlightenment.

Am I Learning Anything?

For so many years, Govinda and I have spent so much energy with the Samanas, yet I am now starting to wonder if it is worth it. Is it worth staying here when the elder Samanas even have not achieved Nirvana? Word has approched the forest that a new Buddha has arrived, and who is said to have characteristics different from the Samanas. Govinda wants to go and meet this new Samana, but I am not sure that it would be very informative. But Govinda has convinced me, and I will go. I even used some abilities that I learned from the Samanas to get away from the Elder Samana, whom I was shocked to see very angry at us for abandoning them.

Into the Forest

It has been 3 years since I left my home and family to journey with the Samanas with Govinda. We have been travelling and begging for what seems like our entire lives, and yet I don't feel that I am learning anything. I experience pain, i try to ignore all my wants and needs, and I deny my self the pleasures of life and food, yet I feel as if I could have learned what I learned here with the Brahmins back home.

Leaving!!

Finally, after so many years of being stuck with the Brahmins, I have left home! The Samanas have arrived into the town, and I have accompanied them on their journey to Nirvana. I am very happy to be leaving and trying to find my own path, but I will miss my family and friends in my village. I feel like I need to journey to find and be rid of the Self, the innermost being of all peoples.
Something that I am very happy about is that Govinda has decided to come with me. I feel as if I am a big influence to his life, and I am glad that he thinks of me that way. Govinda is a very good friend, and I am very fortunate to have someone like him to stay with me on my journey.